"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." - Famous Quote
Hearing this today has a whole new meaning. I have been in the practice of forgiveness for years now, almost to the point it felt forced. I would have days where I was screaming in my head, just let this shit go, woman. Forgive them, Forgive them, Forgive them and forgive yourself. Why is this so hard? Why isn't this working?
I craved that peaceful feeling of release where my chest no longer felt tight and heavy when I thought of them. I just wanted to live in joy. This shit had to go.
I have spent a lot of money on energy healers, books, readings etc. Always looking outside myself for the answer to why my life was not progressing as I envisioned it in my dreams. Always getting the same answer, FORGIVENESS. Yet I somehow could not figure out the key to forgiveness. I just wanted to be FREE of the chains weighing me down, I just wanted to be happy.
I just wanted to be successful.
I had a breakthrough in my daily practice this morning. As I answered my daily journal prompt, this time, what came through was much different. As I began to write the same old shit, "I blame them for this, they did this to my brother, they did this to my father", a loud voice came from within and I heard ..."Did she hold a gun to their head? Um well NO. So how is "She" to blame for their actions?
HOLY SHIT, face palm. She's not.
I always preach take 100% responsibility for your life. Own your shit. Own your part in any situation. So did that just not apply to that situation? Of course, it did. I couldn't control what this person did and neither could they, HOWEVER, they could control how they reacted to it. The reaction they chose is what actually has me upset at the other person. How silly is that? This was a wake-up call. I had already forgiven my father and brother for their choices, yet still held so much resentment and anger for the person who in reality made mistakes, but didn't force them to do anything. I had no right to blame them for someone else actions. No matter how much I wanted to, it just made no sense.
I felt the energy of my hate begin to dissolve and I began to feel compassion for this person. I had been drinking the poison for years and hoping they would die. But I was only killing myself. I finished journaling my thoughts and then brought this person forward in a visualization exercise and said the words, I'm sorry, I love you and I forgive you, can you forgive me?. I visualized them telling me It's okay, you made a mistake, you are free now. I took inventory of my body, no tightness, no heaviness, I really was free. Halleluja!!
The answers were inside of me the whole time. Every day I devote to my practice is another day I heal and lean into the faith versus fear. My daily practice is the key. The answers are in you too, are you ready to unlock and awaken your soul to your truth?